Why are you Still Broken?

Fragmented. Fractured. Not in proper working order. These are all words that describe brokenness. At some point in this thing we call life we have been broken. As I’m committed to the truth I’m going to tell you a true story about a girl who was in a “relationship”. 

At a point during this situationship she realized she was manipulated into this situation and she wanted to be free. But due to her preexisting brokenness she had no idea what standing up for herself even looked like. There was already a baby involved so she knew she had to deal with him for at least 18 years. 

One night after she thought she was free she got a call “I got pampers for the baby”. Had she known how the night would end those pampers would have waited. She allowed him to come in and he sat down at the foot of her bed silently, with no pampers. She asked what he wanted. “So you serious about this guy?” Not sure what this had to do with anything she responded “Yes I am” “well let me get it one last time” She doesn’t know how many times she said no, or how long she fought because she was determined to resist. Then this small still voice said to her “stop fighting” although she wasn’t clear on the instruction, she stopped fighting and then just like that it was over. She has just been attacked but a man that she once trusted. A man she once cared for had just attempted to violate her simply because he wanted what he could no longer have. See, she had just started a new relationship and he was frustrated with the fact that he no longer had control over her every move. 

The events of this night broke her. She had never experienced a level of violation like this. She lost trust, she lost her self-worth, she lost herself in this act. This man she started dating; she went on to marry him and they started a wonderful life together. But no matter how many times this man told her she was beautiful and amazing she would refer back to that night that reduced her to what felt like nothing.  Her self esteem was destroyed. As many women do she blamed herself for what happened to her. If she has been stronger or more confident or more of…. Just more maybe this wouldn’t have happened. 

She, I, was broken. I was destroyed. I was fragmented, a shell of my former self. This night affected me in ways that I didn’t realize until I started seeing my brokenness in my children. That's when I made the CHOICE to no longer be broken. I wanted to be whole. See here’s the amazing thing about how life works. You can choose how you want to live. It's all up to you. God created us all with free will.  It's all up to us. I no longer wanted to choose bondage. That was a form of bondage. I wanted to be happy. I wanted to be free. This was destroying me from the inside out. I didn’t trust people I wouldn’t let people get close to me. I wanted to believe that people loved and wanted what was best for me. I wanted to feel loved. The only way that would happen was to heal. 

How did I heal? There is no sure fire way to heal. But this is what worked for me. 

Find a good support system.

Having people in your life that will without fail be honest with you no matter what is vital. Your support system can see things that you can’t. They see you in ways that you may not necessarily see yourself. Surround yourself with positive energy. You have to let go anyone that will keep you in your dark place. 

Be honest with yourself

I think this is the most important. If you can’t be honest with anyone else you have to stand in your own truth. Tell yourself the ugliness about yourself. Its going to hurt you may hurt your own feelings but it is necessary to be get to a good place in your life. The more you do it the easier it gets. 

Get professional help

I have never understood why the black community as a whole have discounted therapy but it was created to be an aid to those who are struggling mentally. Brokenness is a mental struggle. Therapy can offer help that even your support system may not be able to.Be willing, open and receptive to the process because it is a process. 

Meditate

 I don’t want to impose my belief system on anyone so I will keep this general. I choose prayer. Mediation is nothing more than centering your breathing and clearing your mind. No negative thoughts just breathing. I pray to God for guidance, and direction on how to move forward in my life. Most importantly how I can take my pain and use it to help others. 

These aren’t things that I did once. They are consistent. You may have a day that you have a weakness. You may need to talk to your support group or your therapist. Or you may just need to meditate or pray. This has to become a consistent way of life. You have to choose happiness. Choose life. Choose to be whole. Choose to overcome. Choose YOU!! The day I chose me was the best day of my life, so why are you still broken?