The Real American Heroes

I deemed myself the honest mom and have never written anything about actually being a mom. Well that ends today.

While scrolling through Facebook the other night I read a post about the struggles of being a stay at home mom. This mom was genuinely struggling with parenting, remote learning, and basic household responsibilities. Just being a stay at home mom is hard enough but when you add all of the complexities of 2020 many moms are at their wits end. I stopped working when my youngest was 6 months old. My oldest was 5 and heading to Kindergarten. All I knew was work. The first couple weeks we all cried together. Being a stay at home mom was my new life and it was hard.

There has been such a misconception about what it means to be a SAHM that people don’t have any compassion for it. Tv shows of the 50s, 60s, and 70s made mothering seem like a breeze. Many people grew up with this false image in mind when they had families of their own. They don’t show you the parts about when you don’t sleep for days because your baby has colic or your toddler ate something he shouldn’t have and is projectile vomiting all over the house. Nor do they tell you that while you had a plan for the day your 12 year old is being suspended from school again for fighting. So now you’re tired, pissed and you smell like vomit. This is real life. This is what we deal with daily. Sure there are days that aren’t this bad but this day could easily happen. Plans are out the window at this point. kids haven’t eaten, nothing is out for dinner, then you have to go to the grocery store with a colicky baby, a sick toddler and a beat up preteen. You’re thinking screw it. I’m ordering a pizza.

This just happens to be the one day your husband gets off early and he’s home by 6 and the house is a disaster. Rather than seeing the need to jump in and help he wants to know “what have you done all day”. Now his life is in danger because he has no clue what you’ve been through. Now on top of being exhausted and slightly unhinged now you’re actually sad because the one person who is supposed to be your life partner is judging you and making you feel like a failure.

Being a SAHM is not for the faint of heart. Even if you think you can’t cut it there is something inside us as women that always rises to the occasion. We are warriors. We make things happen even if we have no idea how we’re going to do it. God gave us this unbelievable ability to multitask and see and hear all things all the time. We are amazing. Moms don’t beat yourself up because it’s hard. It’s hard for us all. But we got this. 2020 hasn’t made it any easier either. There’s no separation so we are tired of each other. It's ok to admit you are tired of your kids. It doesn’t mean you don’t love them, you are just exhausted from all this year has thrown at you.

Dads when you get home at night we know you worked all day but jump in and help. It makes us feel like we aren’t in this alone. Working moms don’t look down on SAHMs because they are home. We are all in this together. Many of us are highly educated and can work. But we chose our children for whatever our reasons were. And those of you who are on the outside looking in, if you aren’t going to change a diaper or buy some McDonald’s fries please keep your comments to yourself. We hear you. We know you’re judging us. We are having a hard enough time trying not to judge ourselves.

Mothering is the hardest, most thankless, and underpaid job ever created. As my kids have grown I have learned that you never stop worrying about them. In this world and in this climate you worry if they are safe and if what you have taught them is enough. My youngest has less than two years of HS left before I release him into the wild. I worry about him more than the other 2. I’m sure most moms can relate to having that one kid that you wonder if they will ever be ready for the world. Mothering never stops. So moms give yourselves a break. You are doing your absolute best. You all are the real MVPs!! The real front line heroes. So to every mother that has given selflessly I salute you. Every mother that has slept at the foot of a bed I salute you every mother that has sat up with a sick child I salute you. Every mother that has waited out a tantrum from a toddler or a teenager I salute you. Any mother that is raising a special needs child I salute you. Any mother that is fighting through her own sadness and still presenting her best self to her family, I salute you. And every mother that has their life flipped upside down by the pandemic I salute you. You all are fierce warriors who no matter how you feel show up to work every single day sick or well. You ladies have earned your praise. So take a bow, drink your wine and stay in the fight.

A fellow warrior