The other day I was watching a sermon by Pastor Reginald Sharpe Jr. and he was talking about shifting gears. This particular part of the message was about being in neutral. In your car you will find that you rarely use neutral unless something is wrong with your care or if you need to be pushed or pulled. What I learned in this time when I was in neutral that I had some of the greatest friends in the world.
Back in 2014 I experienced something that literally altered the trajectory of my life. I had no idea where to turn or who to trust. I was devastated. I was worried about my future and the future of my children who were so young at the time. Then this amazing thing happened. I reached out to someone who "I considered" a friend for help. I worded my statement this way because while I have always considered people my friends I had no real knowledge of how to really be a friend so I didn't know if they considered me a friend.
I am the ninth of ten children (ten of ten depending on who you ask). I come from a large family where there was really no space for extra people. One thing my mother used to tell us growing up was we didn’t need friends “you have sisters.” So I never learned how to foster a friendship because I had my sisters and they had me. But one day I was really upset with my sisters and I had no one to tell. That’s when the light bulb came on and I realized I needed people outside my family.
I attempted to develop friendships over the years and they would always just drift off. I was so awkward and I know they saw it. I didn’t know what to say and what not to say. What was appropriate and what wasn’t. I was like a fish out of water but I was determined not to give up. I failed at a lot of friendship. What I learned over the years was I was failing because I wasn’t standing in my truth. I was always so afraid of offending someone that I pretended to be whoever they wanted me to be or whoever they thought I was just to maintain the relationship. It was exhausting.
Fast forward to 2013 I happened to run into someone I knew when we were teenagers. She was always so sweet and we slowly started to reconnect. She was going through stuff and so was I but was too embarrassed to admit it. Then in 2014 when my life fell apart she was there for me. She saw me at my worst. She loved me and prayer with me and for me. She was the first person I reached out to because I trusted her and I had felt free to be myself. She put me on track to putting my life back together again. She also set me up for the friendships I have now.
I learned that friendship is exactly like a relationship. It's a give and a take. You are there for your friends in the same way you want them to be there for you. You need understanding. While you have a life and a family so do your friends. They may not always be able to drop what they are doing to be there for you. That doesn’t mean that they don’t love you or don’t care just that they can’t right then. Most importantly I learned being myself is so liberating and your real friends will never ask you to be anything other than your most authentic self.
Today I have such an incredible circle of friends. While I love them all dearly there are a couple that are so special to me. They have helped me to become my best self. They have helped me be a better mother and a better wife, more importantly a better servant to the body of Christ. I love them with all of me. I dare leap and say they are my best friends. They have seen me low and seen me high and have never once abandoned me. Knowing them and loving them has become one of my greatest joys.
Friendship comes with so many different dynamics. I had trust issues that made building healthy relationships a challenge. But I learned that having a support system meant more to me than my trust issues. It has not been easy learning how to be vulnerable with people but it has definitely been worth it. Maintaining friendships has been a huge gear shift for me but I'm glad that I am no longer in neutral. I'm back in the driver seat and have taken control of my life.
Amen! Amazing! Welcome!🥰🧡