So this is the last season of This is Us and I am being heavily triggered by the subject matter. At this point Rebecca is in her final stages of life due to Alhizemer’s and watching her children attempt to navigate this process is where my triggers are. My mother is not dying nor has she died but what triggered me is the dynamic between Kevin, Kate and Randall. Somehow Randall and Kevin (mostly Randall) can’t see Kate past the teenage version of herself that was a complete mess. Rebecca left Kate in charge of her care in the event that Miguel was no longer able to (he has died at this point). Watching Randall make arbitrary decisions because he believes he knows what Rebecca would have really wanted also triggered me. While Kate is my least favorite character on that entire show, she doesn't deserve to be overlooked and treated as if she is incapable of making sound decisions. Family has this interesting way of locking you into a version of yourself that they won’t allow you to grow past.
When I was a teenager, I was a wreck. For various reasons but a wreck nonetheless. I was angry and violent and just about anything would set me off. I was struggling with my identity, my place in the world, my place in my family, and ultimately my future. I was scared about what the future held for me. Fast forward to the present day and I find that some of my family members still see me as the 17 year old Brenda that was reckless. Not a mature adult who has grown and learned and lived. Not a mature adult who has successfully raised three children. Not someone who has obtained 3 degrees. No, to some all I will ever be is an immature teenager who consistently made bad decisions. I am certain some of you have experienced this as well. Family members who have refused to allow you to grow up. Who have consciously decided to only see you as a screw up who is incapable of making sound decisions. As it does me I know it drives you insane.
The beauty of it all though is in the moment Kate realized that her brothers only saw her as a little girl who needed saving and rescuing, she decided to show them that she has in fact grown up and was very well capable of making decisions. I was proud of her at that moment. She stood up to them. She put her foot down. She silenced Randall by telling him what would absolutely not be happening. She showed her ability to be an adult; to be mature and prove that she was no longer the person she once was.
Maturity doesn’t have a timeclock on it. Everyone doesn’t evolve at the same time. However that doesn’t give anyone the right to lock you into one phase of your life. In this moment I was proud of Kate as I have become proud of myself for my growth and my ability to stand up for myself and be the adult that life has called for. As did I, Kate had a mountain of things to overcome. But she did. She overcame it. She learned and she grew. Oddly as did Kevin but somehow Kate was the one that they could only see as the immature one. Very much like many of my siblings who had their own struggles, I grew up, allowing me the opportunity to be the adult I have become should be an honor.
I am so proud of my growth and much like Kate, proud to have a partner that simply sees me. Not who I was but he sees all that I am becoming. Don't allow anyone to tie you to an old version of yourself. Celebrate who you are, even who you used to be and who you are becoming. Let go of the old Brenda because she is long gone. Get to know the new and improved version. I know from personal experience that she is pretty awesome!