This week I struggled with what I wanted to write about. For the most part life has provided me with plenty of material to share but this week I couldn’t come up with anything. Brina is flourishing in her own way in college, Jaylin will soon be graduating high school and although that comes with its own set of issues things are going just how they should be. I started to feel like my life had become mundane. Like I was just going through the motions. Then it hit me, I am at peace.
The place I am in emotionally, mentally and even spiritually has been a long time coming but in the process of trying to figure out what to say I realized I have overcome so much. Lately I have been thinking a lot about the period of my life that was the absolute darkest. Between 2015-2018 so many things went wrong. I mean as wrong as wrong can get. The life that I had known was over. I was facing a divorce and raising my children alone all while trying to figure out where we were going to live and having this incredible education but no job and no income. I was lost. I had lost hope and faith. I am a firm believer in God but I honestly felt that God had abandoned me in that time. I was broken but committed to putting my life back together one way or another. This was the darkest time of my life. I, during this time, had to make one of the most difficult decisions of my life. In an effort to solve my living crisis, I had to send my daughter to live in a place that I wasn’t. Where I was going there was only room for two. I had family members that I reached out to to take one or the other. Trying to raise my daughter while I’m living in one place and she’s living in another place was horrible. For people who were on the outside looking in, it was easy to make assumptions about what was going on but for me as a mother experiencing this was devastating. This situation almost destroyed us. I was so lost in the struggle I couldn’t see how God was aligning things to restore my life.
Fast forward to the present day, my daughter and I are closer than ever, my husband and I are together again and couldn’t be happier. This post is just to say don’t give up on you. I had some very dark moments during my losing season but in my winning season I am grateful for all that I experienced. It taught me to fight. I learned during this time to fight for me. Fight for my babies. Fight for my marriage. Prior to this I honestly thought I just had to accept things as they were. I realized that was an absolute fallacy. I had a right to fight for what I wanted. So that’s what I did. I clawed my way out of that darkness. It took so much But here I am. At peace. This is the greatest place I have ever been.
So what’s the message here? If you feel like you are faced with things that you don’t see a way out of don’t give up. Nothing lasts forever. It is going to end. No one knows the timetable but learn all you can in your dark season. Do your work. Better yourself. So when your season changes youre ready for what’s next. I appreciate what I learned in the dark. That’s how I found my peace.