40 and Babies

Starting in 1986 at the tender age of 7 I became an auntie. There was something about the month of February that my sisters loved because they collectively decided to have most of their babies in this month. My nieces are amazing. They have amazing careers, husbands and families. I couldn’t be more proud of them if I had given birth to them myself. I told them all years ago that whatever they decided to do for their birthdays (collectively) I would be the designated babysitter for the night. They have taken advantage of this opportunity over the years but this year was a little different. With Covid and at home learning and working, they needed a real break. I agreed to watch the kids while they took a girls trip. This is when I learned that having small children over 40 was ungodly.

Please don’t misunderstand. I love my great-nieces and nephews. They are smart and energetic little people. However I realized that I am ill equipped to keep up with them. There is something that happens to your body and your brain after you turn 40 that no longer qualifies you to manage the lives of small people. During this time in addition to my own two teens I had four other ankle biters that range in age from 12-1. That’s six kids; all who need something. There was never a dull moment. I am accustomed to teenagers who are able to take care of themselves and cook and clean. I had to feed the baby, monitor school time, referee, oversee bath time, cook; these are things that I hadn’t done consistently for years. My kids had been independent for so long I forgot that some of these things were even a requirement. Listen I learned more about myself during this time than I did about the babies. I learned that I am weak. The kids know I am weak and they will take full advantage of said weakness. I say yes, A LOT. whatever they want more likely than not they will get. The baby wanted some of my coffee. It was my daughter that said “ Ma don’t give her that” I have no filter. The most important thing I learned about myself is I’m tired. Since my kids have had all day school and afterschool I sleep as much as I possibly can. Sleeping is my favorite pastime. Unless it's a ride or some money my teens require very little of me. So I can sleep when I want for as long as I want (until Covid is over anyway). And since turning 40, my need for sleep is even higher on the list. I couldn’t sleep when I wanted to during this time. I had to be up because their class started at 7:45! So they had to be awake and fed to start class on time. This is not what 40+ people should be doing. By 10:30 I needed a nap but I couldn’t go to sleep because there is a 1 year old roaming the house who is unlike any baby I have ever encountered in all my 42.3 years. I have never had a baby square up with me. She’s feisty and always ready to eat.

My husband and I are just over a year away from an empty nest. ( another post for another time) While we look forward to becoming grandparents one day there is no way at our age we would start over with a new baby. My attention span is short now. I forget things. I’m not proud of this but these are just the facts. If I don’t nap I am grouchy. But you can’t nap with a one year old. You have to be aware and alert.

To all of my sisters and friends who have bravely ventured into motherhood beyond 40 I applaud you. I have no way of comprehending how you are managing. I couldn’t. To my nieces who are raising these amazing children I applaud you as well.

As for me I will stay in my lane and continue to uber my teenagers and pretend to listen to my daughter’s stories of whatever she wants to talk about. I have put in my work and given my kids my best years. Now I’m sleepy. I'm committed to standing my truth. And today my truth is I am 42 and no longer equipped to mother small children. I will probably extend myself to my nieces again next year. The kids will be older but so will I so stay tuned to see how it all plays out…….